her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
