i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
