Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
