I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
