Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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