Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
