yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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