Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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