What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
