so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
