Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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