I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
