i was rollin on her like bob the builder
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
