just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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