I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
