dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
