i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
