at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
