Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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