Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
