I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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