Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
