watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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