I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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