she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
