covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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