don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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