i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
