I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
