Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
