Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
