Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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