You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
