just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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