I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
