i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize