Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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