So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
