Betty ford says i'm here all night
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Randomize
