he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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