Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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