So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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