We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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