So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
