I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
