Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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