I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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