His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize