My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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