The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
