I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
