Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
