I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
