I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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