I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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