do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize