I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
