i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Will exercising make me less horny?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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