I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
