CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
