you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
