dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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