I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
