I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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