I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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