It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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