proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
