Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Your penis caused this!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
