Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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