She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
