bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
