I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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