When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
