you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
