This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
do herpes really smell.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
