Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
