can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
