you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
