I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
