I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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