We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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