OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
