OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
