sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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