Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
