porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
