Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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