just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
