Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you would pick up someone in the library
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize