she woke up with a sticky ear
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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