booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
