no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
