Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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