He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
