Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
