Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
