the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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