I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
