so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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