There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
