Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
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