so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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