hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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