im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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